I have a confession to make. I often go to bed with an anxious heart. Anxious because I'm always looking ahead... Will Mom be able to talk well enough to express what's on her heart? Will Mom ever play the piano again? Will Mom be independent in getting around? Will Mom be glad that she survived this stroke and will she be able to enjoy life again? And when Mom gets teary everytime I leave is it because she is sad or is it because she loves me so much? (She can't say.)
Over and over again, God tells us not to be afraid but sometimes His advice to me doesn't seem to "take."
Is there a difference between feeling afraid and being afraid? Can I feel afraid and still be courageous? Can I feel afraid and still be faithful? Can I feel afraid and still be all wrapped up in my loving Father's arms?
I think the answer is yes. I think God knew that we were going to go through things and our tendancy would be to feel afraid -- otherwise, why would he have said "Fear not" so many times?
Maybe what God was saying was to not stop there. Don't let your fear define you. Don't be afraid. Be dependent on me. Be comforted by me. Be near to me.
Early on when Mom had her stroke, my sister, Lori, and I were talking about our faith. "Is your faith automatic or do you have to work at?" she asked.
"It's a cognitive decision," I told her. "Especially now, It's a choice I make even though its not how I feel."
So even though, through all my positive talk, I confess: I feel afraid sometimes -- okay, I feel afraid a lot. But "afraid" is not who I choose to be.
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3 comments:
Great message for all areas of our lives. Written in a way that helps all of us put things in perspective!
Hi cousin! It's great to hear from you! Love to all of you in Michigan!!
Like your cousin, Audi, I was touched - and provoked (in a good way) by your "confession" post. I have no essential disagreement or arguments with anything you said; but I'm led to comment with a couple of points.
"Fear" is something we all experience; and it's not all bad. In one way it's God's protective fear that keeps us from putting our hand on a hot stove. Are we courageous to put our hand on the stove when we know it's hot? No, we're stupid to try to overcome God's leading from His protective "fear." Or maybe that type of "fear" should rather be called "calculated concern."
We are "fearful" when we lose sight of our child (or grandchild for this old dude) in a store for any length of times [especially these days]. But that's from "concern;" and it's not the selfish "caring" or "fearfulness" which is referred to in in Phil. 4: 6, where God's word says, "Be careful (or anxious) for nothing ..." Here, as we read from Jesus in Matt. 6, when Jesus exhorted His followers to not worry about the future ... or when He rebuked Martha for being "afraid" that her selfish worries were not being recognized (in Luke 10).
Most of our "fears" are the result of selfishness; and it's that kind of fearfulness which God wants us to take to Him (see Matt. 11: 28-30, 1Pet. 5: 7, and Phil. 4: 6-7); because, as you said, Audi, it brings us to the place we need to be ALWAYS ... in that state of surrender where we will choose to be dependent on the ultimatel "load-lifter," ... Jesus! And it's only when we set our selfish "fears" (i.e., worry concerns) aside and humbly rely on God that we can receive God's grace, which, in turn, gives us the peace referred to in Phil. 4: 7.
And that's what I see you doing, Audi; and I thank you for this life lesson, from which we can take your lead.
You go, girl!!! ... Love, ... Billy Bob
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